Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
pray to the hookup gods
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
