I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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