quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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