Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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