boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize