By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
