dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
