Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
