we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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