you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
