4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
"it" just moved
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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