K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
