need another drink. this is the easiest way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
