please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
now i know why i became what i already was.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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