you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
