i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
