dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
