Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
