Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
