so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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