Plan B is the new Plan A
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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