apparently the secret to your success is patron
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
