Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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