and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
