I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
