he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize