Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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