So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
