A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
