Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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