have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
