I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
