If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize