I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
