Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
