rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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