Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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