I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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