Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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