hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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