Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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