i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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