i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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