My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
