You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
