Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
