Tell her she can't have a vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
