I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
