GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
