Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
