So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The struggles of a small town man whore
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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