I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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