She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
