so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
