I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
only you would photoshop your dick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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