omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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