Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
