You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
