Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
